I'm really into asian looking animals
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Vodka?
Forever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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