Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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