i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
