She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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