Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
