the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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