Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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