there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
