you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
