I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
