I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
