I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
