is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
