I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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