So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
