Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
