I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
