I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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