On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
