Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
