i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
