you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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