its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
