i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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