Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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