im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
