just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I supernannyed him into submission
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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