It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
