when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
