He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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