I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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