just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
