I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
