i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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