I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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