if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
