if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Damn victory sex feels great
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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