When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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