If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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