Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The ass gains better be worth it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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