She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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