My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
