OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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