The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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