Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
