I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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