Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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