if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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