I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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