That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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