overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
