dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
