so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize