Sry I called you an 8
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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