So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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