I like to think it a success when the cops are called
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
