DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This baby is an asshole
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
