great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
