just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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