I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So vagazzling was a success
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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