11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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