i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
