It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
