my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
