I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
