i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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