you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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