Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
