you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
