and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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