The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
