so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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