what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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