i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
