She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
