My brain says no but my pants say off.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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